I woke up as early as 5:15 AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. My mind has been racing—and this time, it's not just my mind. It’s my heart too. Everything feels tangled. I don’t even know how to compartmentalize it all anymore. Maybe because, for the first time in a long while, I’m not just thinking—I’m feeling.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself hard questions: What am I doing? How am I really doing? Where am I going? There’s so much swirling inside me, and I don't remember ever being this emotionally sensitive. I didn’t even want to admit it at first. I’ve always been the tough one—resilient in all things, through all seasons. But today feels different.
I don’t know what I’m trying to convince myself of anymore. I’m tired of lying to myself. Everything started shifting around the first week of April 2025. That’s when the questions crept in: Am I confused? Bored? Curious? Or is it all of the above? Day by day, the weight has been getting heavier.
I’ve been discovering parts of myself I never paid attention to before. And now I wonder: what parts of me am I still willing to share with the world? With the people around me? Society can be harsh—it teaches us to silence ourselves. And here I am again, retreating inward. But this time, it’s not because of others. It’s about me. About what I’m feeling.
I keep asking myself: What am I still afraid to say to someone whose intention is to love me? To truly see my soul and hear even my silence? It’s not easy. It’s not simple. I don’t even know where to start—or where it will all lead.
This is a battle I haven’t faced in a long time: the battle between me, myself, and I. And honestly, these are the things I’ve never really talked about. I didn’t want to. I told myself it was okay—“ganon talaga.” But it’s not.
Because when something feels real—when you know exactly where you want to go, when someone comes along who sees your softness and chooses to stay—why does it still feel so hard?
Maybe because being vulnerable doesn’t get easier, even when it’s right. Maybe because when love is genuine, it demands honesty—not just with them, but with ourselves too.
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