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Thursday, June 12, 2025

What I Have Now Is Worth Everything I Lost

In the middle of the day, I paused—just briefly—from the endless reports, a growing pile of communication letters, and that manual that's been sitting untouched because, honestly, my brain just refused to function. Haayyss.

Earlier this morning, a thought crossed my mind. The idea of being in a long-term relationship where your present love feels like it could never match the intensity of what you had before. I reflected on it deeply. I realized—there really are different kinds of love. Some are wild and consuming. Others are quiet but grounding. And not all couples are connected deeply; some stay just because they’re available, because there’s no choice, because it’s convenient—or worse, because they love someone who no longer loves them back.

We all learn the hardest lessons in the most unimaginable ways. At first, it tears you apart. The pain is unbearable. It crushes you until you finally accept: hindi na talaga pwede. No matter how hard you try to fix what’s broken, some things are just beyond repair. The damage has been done. The cracks are too deep. I remember telling myself—this is the end. Because the more you hold on, the more it hurts.



There’s a picture I once saw that pushed me to finally let go. It reminded me: Don’t force what’s no longer meant to be.

Looking back now, I feel nothing. Not even a trace of what I once felt. I've even forgotten how it felt to love in that way. And that’s okay. Because if those things hadn’t happened, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't have discovered my capacity to love—fully, fearlessly, and freely.

God gave me the space and grace to love myself first. That’s what allowed me to pour so much more into my present. This—what I have now—is beautifully made. Because today, I’m no longer living from pride, no longer protecting myself from pain at all costs. I’ve softened. I’ve grown. I’ve learned to live with purpose.

Before, I used to think of myself first—I had to. I was in survival mode. But today, I think of my person first. This love? It’s real. It’s pure. It’s selfless. I am at my best, and this love brings out even better in me.

Maybe this is the love I was always searching for before, but couldn’t find—because I wasn’t yet the person who was ready to receive it. I was still becoming. And now that I am here, I can love deeper, stronger, and more fearlessly.

Now, I take risks with love—without hesitation. I don’t even entertain the thought of losing, because I am all in. I want to win with what I have now. I’ve never been this sure of my feelings. It’s a wholehearted yes, every single day.

And so today, and every day forward, I promise:
To give more of myself,
To stay present,
To remain intentional,
To keep choosing this love,
And to become even better—not just for myself, but for us.

Because what I have now isn’t just love.
It’s home.
It’s peace.
It’s my best chapter yet—and I’m writing it with you. 

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