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Friday, June 6, 2025

When Everything Feels Too Much, I Write

 Lately, I’ve had so many thoughts running through my mind. It’s overwhelming. But I’m trying to start fresh—by writing everything down. I hope that one day, when I look back, I can remember how all of this felt. Writing has always been my way of expressing what I struggle to say out loud.

With all the workload piling up, my mental health has started to break down. I remember a psychologist once asked me, “Do you have a journal to track your progress?” I didn’t, but now I think this might be it—my way of healing. Putting my thoughts into words helps me reflect, and maybe one day I’ll see how far I’ve come.

At the same time, I’m growing in many aspects of my life—professionally, emotionally, and spiritually. I’m learning to rebuild relationships within my family and give more quality time when it matters. Reconnecting with my spiritual journey has given me clarity, and for a while, it felt like things were slowly falling back into place.

But then, there’s my dissertation. It feels like the one thing holding me back—the heartbreak I haven’t quite healed from. I’m no longer trying to prove anything to anyone, yet this unfinished dream weighs heavy on me.

There came a point when I had to pause that dream. It burned me out. For four long months, I felt drained. And it hit me even harder when I saw my batchmates graduate in May 2025—while I didn’t. That was a painful moment. I know it was my failure to manage time well. I’m not here to complain, but I can’t help feeling like time slipped through my fingers.

Still, I hold on to hope. I choose to believe that in His time, God will make all things beautiful according to His will.

Burnout turned into procrastination, and my mind feels exhausted from the endless cycle of writing progress reports, narratives, assessments, audits—everything, all at once. But here I am, trying again. Writing. Processing. Healing.

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